• “You don’t walk through the shadow of the valley of death. Daniel-San walks through you.”
• “Astronomers say we can’t see the dark side of the moon. Daniel-San can see the dark side of the moon. From the light side.

Contributed by Peter Pak.

• Daniel-san has once made a burrito so large he could not finish it. But then he finished it.

• Daniel-san cannot lose an argument, even when he should have lost an argument. Even when the argument is a stupid one about English majors not being able to read and the English major should have won the argument.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2SSZA0CjdQ

• The instant this video was created, Daniel-san stood up and sued the creators for plagiarizing his life.
• Daniel-san’s reputation is unable to expand from a static infinity.
• Daniel-san once had a non-awkward moment once. It bored him immensely.
• Daniel-san lives vicariously through himself too. As well as all living and non-living things within a 20 meter radius of him at all times. It is a kind of consciousness that we cannot even comprehend.
• Daniel-san also doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does he does not prefer Dos Equis because two horses is not enough. Daniel-san requires Novecientos Noventa Y Nueve Equis to even come close to the amount of horsepower required to entertain Daniel-san.

• The phenomenon of Daniel has caused scientist to reconsider the light spectrum. It now goes Blue, Violet, Black, Daniel.
• Daniel-san knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
• Daniel-san enjoys playing with shadow puppets. In the dark.
• If necessary, Daniel-san could blanket 7 children with his hair.
• Daniel-san does not like the name “Wonder Bread.” This is because he wonders nothing.
• Daniel-san’s eyes are not actually black, but blackholes to the void beneath.

-credit to Billy Huynh

• Daniel-san doesn’t have an actual birthday. He was gradually formed by the gloom in the primeval days of the earth.
• Daniel-san starts blood-feuds for fun during his free time recreation (because it’s more interesting than chess).

But in all seriousness, happy belated birthday Daniel.

• Daniel-san can speak and write in Braille.
• Daniel-san’s mechanical engineering thesis is a real Death Star. It has been in production for the past year only because the rebels keep interfering.
• Daniel-san invented the abacus when he realized his fingers can calculate and graph faster than a TI calculator.

• Daniel-san can punch cartoon characters.
• Daniel-san has rewritten history before, but no one understood his sarcastic jokes about it so he changed it back.
• Daniel-san can run while sitting.
• Once, a foolish man made fun of Daniel-san. Daniel-san did nothing, until 47 years later the man died. He was at the funeral and said, “I told you so.”
• Daniel-san has fought bears and won. He simply reasoned them into submission.

• In very rare instances, Daniel-san will start singing or humming. Do not be alarmed, he is just controlling the animals and machinery nearby (kind of like the Pied Piper of Hamelin).
• Daniel-san once started a campfire – under water.
• Daniel-san can speak in binary, but there is currently no computer that can process fast enough to keep up a conversation with him.
• The reason Daniel-san is able to seemingly conjure any resource necessary as if from thin air is because he actually conjures them out of thin air. For example, whenever people search for firewood, he simply creates it instead of searching.
• Daniel-san fills his backpack with millions of black holes as a light workout (please note that Daniel-san does not need text books).

• Daniel-san has created a Decepticon before and destroyed him to save us all. It took place between the hours of 5:00am and 5:53am.
• Daniel-san could out-glare Lynn if he wanted, but he chooses to let her live.
• Daniel-san’s glasses lower his vision in order to give everyone else a fair chance.
• The reason Daniel-san always holds his left arm is because it is actually a gun arm. He is always ready to react to a situation.